Unhappily Nosey
Last month I asked my followers on
my Facebook page what topic I should write about next on my blog, and a friend,
Tracey, responded:
“People who are unhappily
married, cheating or being cheated on...abused even...do nothing but complain
of their spouse, life, even children...BUT whom never stop asking..."WHEN
are you ever getting married? WHY aren’t you married? Don't you want kids?”
So, here goes my best try at the topic. I
thought about this one for a few weeks. I can definitely relate! It’s a two-fold
subject—the unhappy people and their obsessions with other people’s lives.
I’ve known a lot of these “unhappy peeps”
throughout my 33 years. I often analyze them as being indecisive characters who
do not deal well with change, and who rely heavily on the past. They also tend
to believe that comfort in familiarity is better…or I should say easier to live
with than comfort with strangeness and change…even when that strangeness offers
more stability and happiness.
As humans we get used to our daily
routines, our relationships, and the role they play in our lives. We get used
to not being happy.
When we become unhappy we reach out to
others, but usually in the wrong way. As an unhappy person we close our eyes to
our own mistakes and wrong doings, and instead begin to judge and interfere
with others’ lives.
We “think” that just because we have
experienced, we know what’s right; and we know everything about the world we
live in. When we begin to do this we also begin to annoy others, and drive away
our friends and those close to us.
We also try to find happiness in those
around us, because there is no happiness to be found in ourselves. I had a
friend who would constantly call me and ask me a million questions about my
life—every day! She wanted to know who I was dating, where I was going, what I
was wearing, and what my plans were for the future and so on…she still
continues to do so after many years; and she is still unhappily married.
As in many cultures, it’s customary to also
bug single people about marriage; and yes, Tracey, these would be your
relatives and friends…and mine included. I’m not quite sure why the emphasis on
marriage, perhaps we just believe it to be part of our life’s evolution?
I have noticed that those who were unhappiest
around me, were and still are the ones who question me the most about when I am
going to settle down. I believe that there comes a point in some people’s lives
when they just “give up” on their own journey and decide to live through
another’s. Aside from interfering and being nosey, they also become dreamers.
They ignore the facts, only see what favors them; and when someone call’s them
out they get defensive and angry.
Going back to the unhappy people, I have to
say that for a short period of time in my life, I was one of them. I can’t say
that I probed into other people’s lives, because I myself am private so I
respect other people’s privacy; unless it’s something they want to share with
me.
However, I do recall being afraid of the
change and having to start all over on my own. I did it though! There are days like today
when I think that “independence” is truly a bitch, but at least I can say that
I’m a happy “bitch” today!
On the subject of cheating and unhappily
married couples I have known many and, I can only say that we control our own fate and future. If you
decided to stay in such a relationship it’s because you are OK with it and are
approving of it. There is always a way out of an ugly situation.
Those that chose to stay usually do so because
they also might have a guilty conscious…I know I did. I felt like I owed it to
my ex-boyfriend and myself to make it work since we had already given it five
years. I often thought about all the good things he had done for me, and would
compare them to all the “bad.”
Others do not want accept responsibility
either, even when it’s in regards to their own lives—decision making is not in
their blood.
Everything we do in life is connected. Our
actions will lead us to the next step, and will either reward or punish us.
So if
we cheat, we then lie; and when we lie, we become untrustworthy. The outcome of
all these actions will be our own unhappiness and the negative impacts it has
on those around us.
Life is truly a snowball effect.
